she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
