i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Randomize
