my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
