I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
