honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
She said her name was "party"
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
