im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
