I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
