thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
