the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
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