i was rollin on her like bob the builder
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
