Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
sex in a hospital.. check
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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