I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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