NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
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