i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
