So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
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