woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Randomize
