Midget sex pt 2 tonight
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
