After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
