Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
