So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
You took a bar mat shot.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
