Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
