So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
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