maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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