the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
