Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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