I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
