At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Drunk is not a location!
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
