TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
