Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
