i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
They are going to name an STD after you.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
