Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
