oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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