your parents love me but you hate me
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
