Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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