I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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