I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
