i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
