I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
