I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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