He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Randomize
