Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
