That's intense
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
