is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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