I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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