i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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