you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
