the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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