Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
