So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
