Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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