Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
