I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
