She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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