How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
