please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
