I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
