I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
